DECEMBER 2009 - My kids seem to have the one-liners zinging left and right these days.
Here’s sampling No. 1: Talking with my 10-year-old daughter, I was trying to convince her that her dad wasn’t an antique, unable to identify with her needs. Her reply? “Oh Deddy,” she said with a tinge of sadness. “Your cool expiration date has expired.” I protested, and she added one last silver bullet to my heart. “But, you’re, like, 46 or something.” Yes I am. But, I am a cool 46, I’ll have you know.
Sampling No. 2: Two days after Thanksgiving, I had just finished putting up the outside Christmas decorations at our house. My son, 13, and the wife had just returned from a trip to the store when the wife said the boy had paid me, or at least our house, a compliment. “If I were a house, I would date our house. It looks hot.” I’m not sure “hot” is what I’m going for, but then again, this is a boy who walks out of the bathroom every morning on his way to school or church leaving behind a trail of eau du Axe, having perfected the double-pits-to-chesty move.
No. 3: My 10-year-old has a project on Thomas Jefferson due soon. She was telling me about it in the truck today. Her buddy, Coco, got a little confused and asked if her project was on Thomas Edison. “Thomas Edison wasn’t a president,” she said. “He was just a guy in a coat, but I can understand why you thought that. Coats make a guy look smart, like he could be president.” That explains so much about how some of our elected officials make it into office. The voters think like 10-year-olds: “He’s wearing a blazer! He must know what he’s talking about!”
4: My truck died. The Wife was driving back from Chattanooga on I-75 when it happened. She said it sounded like something fell out from under it. That’s very possible. The mechanic said the engine is dead. Kaput. Gone. It would cost a little over $2,300 to repair it. When the repairs are complete, the truck, according to Edmunds, would be worth between $378 and $1,067. I’m no math genius, but even I can see that would be throwing money down the rabbit hole. So, we bought a new truck. New to us, that is. It’s nicer than any car we’re currently driving, and I really like it. I DON’T like the monthly payment, but I had no choice. Having no choice is key here. My friend DJ is about as proud of the truck as I am. She even suggested that I should take a picture of myself or my family with the truck and use it for the front of our Christmas card. I laughed, and agreed, that would have been a good idea. “And,” said DJ, who knows just how tight-fisted I am when it comes to spending money, “The verse in the card could say, ‘Hell froze over.’”
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