note: this is the last in a series of posts about depression. i’ve been amazed at the responses i have received and consider that validation of my original premise: we have to start talking more about mental health and erase the stigma that still surrounds it.
depression sucks. there are some things, however, that help me live in the light rather than dwell in the darkness. every person’s experience is their own, and just as with medicine, not every tool will work for every person. still, i thought it might help if i shared eleven that have helped me keep my head above the water:
admission. just as individuals with addiction issues have to admit they have a problem, the first step in addressing clinical depression is admitting you’re depressed. i can’t count the number of times i attributed my behavior or emotions to being tired or how often i called depression by another name: frustration, anger, antisocial or my personal favorite, i’m just not myself.
talking to your doctor. in my case it was my amazingly empathetic nurse practitioner. i made an appointment, took a big breath and said out loud what i had been thinking: i need help. i think i need medicine.
persistence. when the first drug didn’t work, i asked for something different. when that didn’t work, my provider doubled my dose, and when that didn’t work, she added an evening medicine. it's not without side effects, but that second medicine was a difference maker. she also recommended therapy and assured me that we would work together to find an answer that worked for me.
time away. my family never took vacations, and i'm not very good at taking them now. with pressure to perform at work and a host of responsibilities at church and in the community, taking time off seemed like a luxury i couldn’t afford. the only problem with that is that i knew I needed time alone. i first broached the subject with my therapist, then my family. i felt selfish, guilty and even ashamed. but when i drove up to a cabin in the middle of nowhere the first weekend of may, i instantly knew takin a solo sabbatical was the right decision. observing a sabbath is a biblical commandment. it's okay to rest, to sleep, to be alone. those three days in that cabin were healing for me. by the way, i kept those days as device-free as possible.
friends. find at least one safe person to confide in. one friend listened, told me we shared a similar story and suggested therapy. but it didn’t stop there. that friend checked in from time to time, gave me references to therapists and even walked with me through the process of finding one. another friend simply listened to me vent my feelings, allowing me the freedom to speak candidly. there are a couple of guys I meet with weekly or every other week. we eat, drink coffee, and speak and listen without judgement. when one of those guys texts me randomly to tell me he prayed for me or asks how i am doing, it is the best form of friendship (and they both do it.)
family. my family knows depression is a struggle for me. they give me space when i need it and a kick in the seat of my pants when i need it. when i asked my wife if it would bother her for me to go to a cabin alone, she didn’t hesitate to give her approval. my son challenged me to find a therapist. my daughter has integrated the topic of depression into our conversations seamlessly. we don’t dance around it or ignore it. we also don’t obsess over it. we talk about depression like we talk about her day or what we’re going to eat for dinner.
therapy. dr. drew, yes that’s really his name, has provided a safe space for me to speak my mind. he skillfully listens, picks up on clues, asks probing questions and encourages me to take a deeper dive. we're currently exploring past trauma and how that may be affecting my current mental health. when i detailed for him the list of suicides, murders and molestations that i have either witnessed or been impacted by, he didn't flinch; but he did tell me those experiences were part of my mental health story that need to be explored.
gratitude. a pastor friend reminded me of the value of expressing gratitude and directing it heavenward. it’s a worthy exercise. i chose to combine it with a walk, praying a prayer of thanksgiving as i made my way around the block. once you start thanking God for your blessings, you might be amazed at how long the list gets. the result is a three-fold benefit: you incorporate a spiritual component to your mental health; you take the focus off your current state, and the exercise itself is encouraging.
prayer. prayer has not come easy for me in this season, but there have been a few times when others literally laid their hands on me and prayed for me. nothing miraculous happened in the moment. i didn’t walk away healed, but the touch of another human as they connected to God on my behalf was beautiful. it was also humbling, so be prepared for that. for me, depression comes with a lot of negative thoughts: i'm not worthy, i'm less than, i'm failing, i'll never do enough or be enough… the vulnerability of allowing people to pray for you opens you up to those feelings. the key is listening to their prayers and not the voice inside your head. those prayers are real expressions of compassion and validate your worth.
worship. worship is a form of spiritual warfare. as a Christian, it is part of the practice of my faith. there have been many times when i couldn’t sing along or lift my hands, but i could listen to the lyrics. i have a choice every time i get into my vehicle. i can listen to crime podcasts, angry metal music, forlorn country music, or i can listen to worship music. when i listen, and especially when i sing along, i am inviting the Divine into my situation. recognizing that there is a Creator who is bigger than me and bigger than my depression brings a sense of relief to my life.
exercise. i am positive that one of the changes that brought depression back into my life is the loss of exercise. when gyms closed during the pandemic, i lost my preferred outlet for exercise. not going became a habit. before i realized it, one of the tools that had been most effective in the past was no longer a part of my life. i want to be honest here, though. when i'm at a low, i lose motivation, and it’s not always easy for me to muster the desire i need to go to the gym. p.s. i have tried home gym equipment. it doesn’t work for me. i've tried running and hated every step of it. i enjoy walking, but the motivation isn’t always there. i have a cousin who encouraged me to walk the labyrinth near the civic center in rome. it was an excellent idea.
i'm still on my depression journey, but i am better today than i was six months ago. i am grateful that i had people and tools within reach to help. i know that's not the case for everyone, and i can't promise these tools will work for you. what i do know is that you'll never know until you try. be vulnerable with one other human. take a walk in the woods or around the block. listen to your favorite worship music and sing a long. make a list of blessings in your life, then pray them as a prayer. some of these tools may help you. regardless, keep the lines of communication open with at least one other person. like i said, you won't know until you try.
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